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Our relationship with sex and our ability to talk about it is messed up as a result of our country’s inadequate sex education and puritanism. Our ability to be vulnerable, especially with long-term partners, hasn’t improved despite the fact that talking about sex improves sex.

A one-night stand can choke you far more easily than your four-year-old partner can accept your interest in utilising nipple clamps. Even the tiniest deviations from standard sex can be unpleasant to bring up because there is a general oppressive attitude toward all things kinky. When it comes to sexual toys in bed, many of my female friends have shied away from doing so out of fear that they’ll appear too kinky. Concerns among males tended to centre around feelings of inadequacy or the fear of being replaced. There are times when I hesitate about shame because I don’t want to upset the apple cart while I’m being laid on a regular basis.

Despite how much your partner complains, you won’t be replaced by a Hitachi. A dildo can’t replace you if they put up with your stupid jokes, 45-minute bathroom marathon, and old basketball shorts. Adding sex toys to your repertoire can only encourage more open and exciting sex. “The usual” will lead to lulls or boredom. 

Your desires and interests will change over time, so having the first conversation with your spouse about adding new features to your sexual lives shouldn’t be a one-time ordeal. Let me explain how and when to bring it up.

As far as I can see, you’re perfectly normal. It’s not unusual.

It’s important to first convince oneself that what you’re doing is perfectly natural and not something to be ashamed of.

The only thing you’re likely to do is watch some very bizarre stuff on evenings when you’ve got the home to yourself and you’ve fallen down a porn rabbit hole. Not everyone will jump on the butt plug bandwagon simply because you mentioned it — sex devices can be daunting, and some things your partner may not want to try — but most people these days are aware of sex toys in general.

Chances are, your partner already has some. In 2009, 52,5 percent of women said they have used or owned a vibrator at some point in their lives. As sex accerssories become easier to purchase anonymously online, the number is almost certainly larger presently. You could check this website out for a starters if you are interested in joining the fun;https://secretcherry.co/product-category/dildos/ . There is evidence that this number is much higher, 78 percent according to one study from 2017. Unsurprisingly, lubricant is used by 65.6% of women, and 20% of them have used it in the past month, despite its reputation among straight people for being dirty and unneeded. 

Despite the fact that wanting to play with toys is completely normal, it’s still crucial to have the topic at the correct time. Some people don’t feel as relaxed as you do, and they may be defensive or hurt at first. When you and your partner are alone, choose a neutral time. In preparation for their nephew’s baptism, no one wants to hear that their partner is sexually dissatisfied with their company. A date night with a bottle of wine is ideal for starting the conversation (or during whatever other pleasant post-dinner ritual you two have). Both of you should be comfortable and happy.

Georgia Ortiz

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CAROLINE ROBIANTO
I wish I were a mermaid. A tail that sparkles and shines. I’d swim every single day, with the fishy friends of mine ♥

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